I'M INSECURE DUNNO WHAT FOR.
Assalamualaikum .
Today Im gonna talk about how in secure i am (sebab rase diri ni penting sangat). huhu. Takdela.. i just want to show you guys that being insecure does NOT benefit you in any way possible in life pon. It just crushes you and tied you to the ground. It prevents you from unleashing the power inside you. It eats you up from the inside and if you keep letting it do that to you, there will be no more you in yourself, get it?
This is how it eats me up. I have a friend, who is very pretty. very very very pretty. She is my bestfriend, so, obviously, I am always with her. ALWAYS. haha. Everytime I am with her, I always hear compliments about her beauty. sometimes, I get so jealous with her. people only see her and not me, sometimes they don't even notice me beside her because their eyes are only focusing on her. She steals all the attentions fiercely away from me (I'm making her sounds evil). huhu. well, what can I say, I mean, who on earth doesn't like pretty? When I notice this, I just brush it off saying maybe they just don't know me well enough to say hi. Maybe they feel awkward talking to me. Slowly, the brushing offs create a different feeling in me, the dreadful feeling of when i think: I am not pretty. I think I look disgusting. I always look at the ground when I'm walking. I have no pride at all on how I look. I tried to change how I look. I hate looking at the mirror because what i see is a hideous monster with dark, dull skin, hairy moles everywhere, huge dark circles, crooked eyes, crooked nose and all the ugly things. I hate everything about me, especially my skin. Then it all extended to me being obsessed with pretty women. People might think I'm a lesbo, but I am not. I just love to look at beautiful women because I am not one, I want to be one but I can't. It's complicated.
When I decided that I had had enough of all these bullshit, I ask help from God because I just couldn't help it anymore. Hating myself as if I have no value at all. Living with it every single day. Dealing with it alone because i am too ashamed to tell others of how I loathe myself because I am ugly and knowing that no one can deny that fact crushed me even more. Then, He send me helps through His words and the people around me: telling me that everyone of His creations is created in the best looks. well, hey! I'm not ugly. He also send incredibly nice people around me to remind me of my worth, constantly! He reminds me about it daily. Often times, He sparks confidence in me, making me over the moon. letting me walk with my head up, smiling so wide because i know He has my back. He makes me feel secure. I started to think, I am safe. No one can tell me that I am ugly, no one can tell me how I should live my life, no one can tell me what to wear and not to wear because that shirt makes you look fat and that shirt makes you look like an old maid. I can do what I want. I am SAFE!
After this, I started to slowly forget how I ugly I am. I started to not care about what people think. I mean, even God Almighty says I am pretty,so hey!, why would I care about how the low human thinks about me! I started to smile a lot because I learned that it makes you look younger and it relaxes your facial muscles so I want to save my energy because I believe it should be used to do better things than frowning. It is also the sunnah of the prophet Muhammad SAW. so, it's killing two birds with one stone. ain't it? I AM SO SMART! *duckface. p/s: please don't throw up. After all the horrible feelings I have gone through, the once hard life has become so easy. Everything becomes so light. My whole life lights up! I am walking with my head up, looking at the magnificent views, smiling to people, believing I can made their day with my smile. huhu. I am not afraid to be stared at when i am doing the right things. I feel proud of myself! more than anything. Unfortunately, I still do feel insecure sometimes. But yeah! I can definitely just brush it away effortlessly now because I know Allah has my back. He will protect me from unkind people around the cruel world! hehe.
Today Im gonna talk about how in secure i am (sebab rase diri ni penting sangat). huhu. Takdela.. i just want to show you guys that being insecure does NOT benefit you in any way possible in life pon. It just crushes you and tied you to the ground. It prevents you from unleashing the power inside you. It eats you up from the inside and if you keep letting it do that to you, there will be no more you in yourself, get it?
This is how it eats me up. I have a friend, who is very pretty. very very very pretty. She is my bestfriend, so, obviously, I am always with her. ALWAYS. haha. Everytime I am with her, I always hear compliments about her beauty. sometimes, I get so jealous with her. people only see her and not me, sometimes they don't even notice me beside her because their eyes are only focusing on her. She steals all the attentions fiercely away from me (I'm making her sounds evil). huhu. well, what can I say, I mean, who on earth doesn't like pretty? When I notice this, I just brush it off saying maybe they just don't know me well enough to say hi. Maybe they feel awkward talking to me. Slowly, the brushing offs create a different feeling in me, the dreadful feeling of when i think: I am not pretty. I think I look disgusting. I always look at the ground when I'm walking. I have no pride at all on how I look. I tried to change how I look. I hate looking at the mirror because what i see is a hideous monster with dark, dull skin, hairy moles everywhere, huge dark circles, crooked eyes, crooked nose and all the ugly things. I hate everything about me, especially my skin. Then it all extended to me being obsessed with pretty women. People might think I'm a lesbo, but I am not. I just love to look at beautiful women because I am not one, I want to be one but I can't. It's complicated.
When I decided that I had had enough of all these bullshit, I ask help from God because I just couldn't help it anymore. Hating myself as if I have no value at all. Living with it every single day. Dealing with it alone because i am too ashamed to tell others of how I loathe myself because I am ugly and knowing that no one can deny that fact crushed me even more. Then, He send me helps through His words and the people around me: telling me that everyone of His creations is created in the best looks. well, hey! I'm not ugly. He also send incredibly nice people around me to remind me of my worth, constantly! He reminds me about it daily. Often times, He sparks confidence in me, making me over the moon. letting me walk with my head up, smiling so wide because i know He has my back. He makes me feel secure. I started to think, I am safe. No one can tell me that I am ugly, no one can tell me how I should live my life, no one can tell me what to wear and not to wear because that shirt makes you look fat and that shirt makes you look like an old maid. I can do what I want. I am SAFE!
After this, I started to slowly forget how I ugly I am. I started to not care about what people think. I mean, even God Almighty says I am pretty,so hey!, why would I care about how the low human thinks about me! I started to smile a lot because I learned that it makes you look younger and it relaxes your facial muscles so I want to save my energy because I believe it should be used to do better things than frowning. It is also the sunnah of the prophet Muhammad SAW. so, it's killing two birds with one stone. ain't it? I AM SO SMART! *duckface. p/s: please don't throw up. After all the horrible feelings I have gone through, the once hard life has become so easy. Everything becomes so light. My whole life lights up! I am walking with my head up, looking at the magnificent views, smiling to people, believing I can made their day with my smile. huhu. I am not afraid to be stared at when i am doing the right things. I feel proud of myself! more than anything. Unfortunately, I still do feel insecure sometimes. But yeah! I can definitely just brush it away effortlessly now because I know Allah has my back. He will protect me from unkind people around the cruel world! hehe.
you're beautiful in ur own way aina! everyone have insecurities and i think my insecurity level is just too much than anyone else trust me...and i'm struggling with it every day...........;)
ReplyDelete